Pegging is one of the topics I most frequently get asked to write about. For those who aren’t sure what I mean by “pegging”, it’s a term that was coined by Dan Savage to describe a sexual act where one partner penetrates another partner in the anus with a strap-on dildo. I get a lot of emails from people who want to try pegging for the first time, but aren’t sure how to get started. Here’s quick guide of the things you’ll need to do before your first pegging adventure.
Explore on your own
Although the thought of playing with the back door is exciting, there can also be a lot of anxiety and shame tied in with this particular act. There’s a lot of fear about mess, worries that it’s going to hurt and uncertainty about how it will feel. One of the best ways to allay these fears is to do some exploration on your own. Solo play puts you in total control of the action which can reduce anxiety. Taking your partner out of the equation also removes the fear of embarrassing yourself in front of them. Taking the time to play with your own body allows you to learn what you do and don’t like. It helps you to become familiar with your body’s signals and sensations so that you can confidently communicate your limits to your partner when it’s time to bring them into the bedroom.
Talk to your partner
Once you’ve had a good play on your own, it’s time to have a chat with your partner. Sit down together and start planning your pegging adventure. Topics to discuss include: any fears and doubts and boundaries, what turns you on about pegging as well as logistical considerations such as time, place, equipment and technique. Having a strong conversation as a starting point keeps the lines of communication open, so it’s easier to raise any concerns or ideas as you progress down the pegging rabbit hole.
Choose a toy and harness
Before you can embark on your maiden pegging voyage, you’ll need a harness and a compatible dildo. For your first harness, I recommend something simple and adjustable, so that you can play around a bit with how it fits and the angle and position of the dildo. I recommend simple, small and smooth dildos for pegging beginners. You want something that’s relatively firm but not too hard to make penetration easy and comfortable. Your first dildo should be fairly small, maybe the size of a finger or two. If it’s too big, pegging will be a painful experience that you won’t want to repeat. Remember, you can always upgrade to a larger toy or a fancier harness down the track if you want. Your dildo should have a flared base for safety, and also to allow it to be fitted into the harness. I recommend avoiding any textured toys or anything with a pronounced head the first time around. Look for designs that are completely smooth to make penetration easier. Again, you can always buy a toy with more texture or shape once you’re comfortable being penetrated.
My personal recommendation for first-time peggers is the Bend Over Beginner Kit from Tantus. It features an adjustable harness, and two Silk dildos in small and medium sizes. They’re completely smooth with no ridges or bumps, and are made from a gorgeous body-safe silicone.
Pick a lube
Lubricant is non-negotiable for anal play. The anus doesn’t self-lubricate, so bottled lube is necessary for a smooth and comfortable experience. The type of lube you need will differ depending on the toy you’re using and your personal preferences. You might like to check out my post on Choosing a Lubricant to help.
Prepare your body
Anal play is something that you can’t always be spontaneous about. If you want your pegging play to be comfortable and clean you’ll need to watch what you eat and pay attention to your body’s signals to decide if it’s the right time to peg. You’ll probably also want to take a shower beforehand. One of the biggest fears about anal play is the possibility of making a mess or encountering poop during sex. If you’re worried about this, read this post about butt stuff and mess for some reassuring facts and tips on how to avoid mess.
Have fun
Humour is one of the best tools that you can introduce into your sexual toolkit. Sex is so much fun, and it doesn’t have to be serious and dramatic all the time. It’s good to be able to laugh off awkward noises or weird faces and just let go and enjoy yourself. I guarantee that your pegging adventures will be infinitely better if you go into it with a fun, playful attitude and aim to have a great time.